First of all, Andy Serkis' performance as the titular cottage is simply wonderful. Physically contorting himself like that to give the appearance of being wooden can't have been easy (the reason Keanu Reeves keeps getting jobs), nor his motion capture performance without any motion. Amazingly, there never is an actual cottage in the movie, which makes his accomplishment even more incredible. His performance completely overshadows that of the amateur imbecile who played the straight, tough crook.
The Cottage is a wonderful bargain of a film, as you feel like you've seen two movies for the price (and time) of one. The first half, which I'll call The C, is a wonderful dissection of stupidity and criminal ineptitude, which the Brits seem to be an expert at. Williams brilliantly also manages to achieve a new zenith in audience interaction by making everyone want to bash all the characters' faces in.
British Kevin Spacey watching the door.
Which brings us to Ottage, the second feature of the double bill, which should've been subtitled Wish Fulfillment. Here, the film swerves into familiar skin-dressing farm slasher territory where all the characters are chopped messily into halves, much like the actual movie. Gore here, splatter, there, blah blah blah, tears. Fin.
The Cottage: 5/10