Teeth Bites

First of all, let me just say that Teeth has the best set of posters I've seen in quite some time, perfectly capturing the film's tone. Horror? Comedy?... Sexploitation?(???) Who knows. Kudos to the marketing team for such valuable insight.





I felt like I was watching Lars 2 with all the indecision, and once again, the main character pretty much sums up the movie. Dawn refuses to accept her identity as a woman, just like Teeth does! Brilliant!





But yet when she does, she takes an unacknowledged 180 from her original yet-of-age state. She starts off as an abstinence crusader, believing pre-marital sex to be a borderline near-lethal threat, then ends the film as a castration crusader using pre-marital sex as a near-lethal threat. So what important social message do we all learn? Sex kills. And men are clueless on sex-related morality! Just like the writer-director! Brilliant times TWO!

But that's not all there is to praise. There's also the director's gratuitous visual flair, especially evident with the illumination of the threat of nuclear power plants by constantly shooting them in the background (doubling as a symbol for killer women's breasts).



Clearly little Mitchell inherited his subtle creative eye from his father.


Stay away, he's got crabs.

That said, I'm glad Teeth is such an inspiring film. I really hope women take Teeth's empowering message of having sex with men who have wronged them to chomp off their penises with imaginary teeth, because then I can laugh at those bitches when I wave my intact penis in front of their shocked and confused generic faces.

Teeth: 5/10